I am sitting here at my computer, working on some promotional materials for an event that is near and dear to my heart. My running partner was tragically taken from this world on November 3, 2014 – suddenly, violently, unexpectedly.
Lately I have been feeling stronger…I think about her everyday (especially when I’m running, alone) but I no longer cry my eyes out at every turn. Hence, stronger.
But here I sit, working on the letter we send to our potential sponsors, and I realize again: she is GONE. Irrevocably, unequivocally, undeniably GONE. It absolutely feels like a punch to my gut, all over again. I want to throw up, I want to scream, and I want to break things. I want to pull the blanket over my head and never get out of bed. It takes my breath away and makes me sob. I realize that I am not strong…all of these things are grief, my now ‘old’ friend. It never leaves me.
Why am I sharing this, especially on our page that is dedicated to Eating Disorders? This blog is dedicated to all of you out there, battling ED. There are many of you who have thought about, even attempted, to end your own lives…and just as many who actually have. DON’T DO IT.
There are people in this world that you, YOU, my readers, affect EVERY DAY. People who love you. People who don’t want to live without you. Even though you are suffering, feeling helpless, feeling hopeless – NEVER doubt that there is someone out there who would be absolutely DEVASTATED by losing you. It could be a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a friend, or that person who sat next to you in group when you were in treatment last month – it could be anyone. I am quite sure my friend would have been shocked and amazed by all the lives she touched. This is my point: you do not realize the positive effect that you have on those around you, cannot even imagine what losing you will do to the people who love you, who care about you, who know you. And I am here to tell you that if you take it one day, one MOMENT, at a time – you can and WILL get through it.
It is a strength to ask for help. It is a strength to realize our weaknesses, and an even larger strength to embrace our weaknesses. Larger still, to have the courage to attempt to overcome. ASK FOR HELP. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, counselor…call the Crisis Intervention hotline. Remember that you are loved and cherished, even in your darkest moments. There are people in your life who need you.
Your life has meaning. You impact those around you in such positive and profound ways, without ever realizing it. You can draw from your experience, and further use it to help others who are struggling in similar fashion. Life is a fragile, fleeting, and painful gift – but a gift nonetheless. Embrace it, ALL of it.